Today is my 30th birthday. I find that so hard to say.
It's not like I think thirty is old or anything. The majority of my friends are a good ten to fifteen years older than me, and I know that they are not old, so thirty can't be old.
I am going to admit it. I am having a hard time turning thirty. I used to think that getting older was the stupidest thing to get upset about. "Who cares how old you are?" I'd say to myself. I mean, what is the significance of a number?
But, now I'm thirty. Not my best friend. Not my neighbor. Not my old classmates. Me.
I think the biggest problem with this thought is that I figured I would be so different at thirty than I am now. I thought I would be living in a different country, speak another language fluently, have four kids, learned to play an instrument proficiently, not struggling with the same health issues that plagued me ten years ago, be more confident in my mothering skills, finally be brave.
My biggest problem with thirty is that it didn't change who I was. It didn't turn me magically into this bright, beautiful, has-it-all-together woman. I guess the most discouraging part is now that I am thirty, I am realizing that person will never exist. I will always have faults (I know, hard to believe), I will always have room for improvement, I will never be able to say "I have arrived!".
But, isn't that a good thing? I think that if I have "arrived" at thirty, then what would be the point of thirty one, or forty one, or one hundred and one?
So, here I am. I am a thirty year old woman who is still to afraid to learn to ride a motorcycle, or jump off a cliff into a lake, or if we are being really honest...to get a car wash.
I can also say I am a thirty year old woman who has known Jesus as her Savior for twenty three years. I have been married for almost ten years to a man who I am more in love with now than ever. I have three of the most amazing girls that God ever created as my daughters. I love my ministry with New Tribes Mission. I love my church. I have some of the best friends any gal could ever have.
Yeah. Thirty isn't all that bad. I mean, it's not like I'm thirty one...
My twin sister and I. Happy thirtieth to you too, Tomesia!